Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
