I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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