Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
