I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
