no you cant smoke seaweed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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