all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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