i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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