Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
