You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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