Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize