how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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