i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
