I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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