Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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