i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
