I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
