Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
