i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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