i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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