dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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