im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you didnt know i had herpes?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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