Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
