I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
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I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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