My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
