He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
