I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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