i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
