Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
