Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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