im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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