Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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