I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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