Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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