if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
