Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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