i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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