So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
