Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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