The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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