oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You are the jesus of drinking
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
