3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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