is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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