Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
