so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
