Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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