So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
