I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My first STD was from a foam party
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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