If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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