Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
