I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
