Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
