gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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