she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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