You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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