Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
