just tell him i said nine months
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
