Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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