This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
