She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My breasts were aching with rage.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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